5 Rules to Break When Dating

Monday morning my new favorite, mentions in shambles, blogger @StephRoyalty ‘s mentions once again in shambles. The topic, Pre-Dates.

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I never would’ve thought that this would be such a divisive topic. But then again, I should’ve known.  Caleb and I ultimately went on 3 pre-dates before making it official. We had a very unconventional courtship and honestly I think breaking the following 5 dating rules was  the best decisions we ever made.

  1. No Obligation Pre-Date – This is a casual meet up for you and a potential beau. There is no guarantee that he will pay for you and no a guarantee that it will lead to anything. At the most you’ll have an interesting story to tell your friends later. By our 3rd Pre-Date, Caleb asked me to be his girlfriend.
  2. Religion, Sex, and Politics Discussion – Everyone has been warned not to discuss the following topics at dinner with anyone and definitely not a date. Please toss this rule out of everyone’s rule book. These are important details that need to  be discussed ASAP. Discussing Politics is actually how Caleb and I started communicating.
  3. 1st Date Planned and Payed for by the Woman –  I’m a planner by nature with slight control issues. Even when Caleb plans a date, I still handle the logistics and details. It’s one of the reasons why I approached Vanessa about starting this blog.
  4. Discuss your exes – They ultimately change the way you view the opposite sex, relationships, and yourself. By facing our past head on, we were able to grow together and get rid of any hostility we held towards our exes.
  5. Hiding the ugly/family dysfunction – Every argument, breakdown, and embarrassing moment that could happen within the first few months of dating can and will happen. Caleb and I embraced them and rolled with the punches. Going through most of these moments brought us closer together.

What dating rules do you feel should be broken? What rules need updating? What about Pre-Dates? Share your thoughts with us below

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My Open Letter to Becky with the Good Hair

After reading this blog written by a friend that spilled all the tea on a girl showing up at her ex’s door begging to reconcile or at least get closure, I felt a pang deep in my heart for her and what she was going through.  It could have easily been Dawn E. Coleman in 2011 if I hadn’t been in an airport on my way back to school. And yes, I cried in that airport. I also couldn’t get the Beyoncé line “you betta call Becky with the good hair” out of my head because ummm yeah, there may or may not have been one in this situation especially since she’d been a presence in this relationship before. But eerily, relating to both of these incidents didn’t lead me to tears. It actually lead me to jump for joy and thank God almighty for where I am today. Happy and married to a man who loves me flaws and all.

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What About Your Friends

This time, two weeks ago, several of my friends prepared to travel from near or far for my wedding  weekend. They came from all over, D.C., Ohio, Georgia, Mississippi, and Tennessee were well represented. One of my out of town friends commented  on how she’s never known anyone in my age range that has as large of a consistent base of friends from all stages of life. For instance, my bridal shower headcount ended up being 26 with 31 invited. Keep in mind that only 12 attendees were family members which included 8 new sister in laws. So that means that I had 14 very close friends from elementary to first real job out of graduate school friends come out and support me.

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37 Questions to Ask on a First Date

 

Living in the DC area I have been asked “what do you do?” numerous times, and every time I was annoyed. A city with some of the country’s brightest people could come up with something more creative to ask. I will explain later why this is a terrible question but for now, here are 37 other questions you can ask to start a conversation.

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Black Love

 

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It’s February, the month of Love. Seeing as I’m getting married soon, I’m in a particular lovey mood. I’m also in a very reflective mood about Love. The Black Love hashtag has flooded my timeline more this month than it does when Love & Basketball is replayed on your favorite station so I decided to delve a little deeper into what exactly Black Love is. Imagine my surprise when I searched for black love on urban dictionary and found not one single definition. I’ve seen multiple tributes to #blacklove on IG, twitter, fb, and various articles but it hasn’t become mainstream enough to be included on urban dictionary. But then again, it’s not very inclusive.

In 2013, Panama Jackson wrote an article titled So What Exactly is “Black Love”? after writing an article on President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. He ended up asking the general population to define it because as he so eloquently put it “Black Love doesn’t usually require a definition… it might be hard to define but folks know it when they see it. There’s never really been a need to place any boundaries or limits on the term. Conversely, I don’t think most of us really think about how deep the idea is in and of itself.”

I could spend hours researching and trying to define Black Love and I could never encompass this intricate, delicate, yet sturdy, complexity that makes up Black Love. Also, is Black Love only exclusive to African Americans or does it include Bi-racial and Latino couples?!?!? What about the rest of the African Diaspora?!?!? Now this is definitely not an article written to blast Black Love because I definitely reposted the BEST Dwayne and Whitley meme ever and faithfully follow Fros & Beaus on IG!!!

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While although I celebrate and never hesitate to share and like Black Love on all social media platforms and in real life, your typical #BlackLove posts are definitely not my #RelationshipGoals (This is another blog for another day). My Relationship Goals, or OUR Relationship Goals since I’m now a unit is definitely more #GodLove. When you think about it, all those things that you love about Black Love is God Love. The couples love each other unconditionally, support each other, fight & makeup because of the grace and mercy they have for each other.

That last sentence may have lost me a few readers but for those that are sticking with me, let me explain myself a little more. I want to remind you that one of my goals for this new year was to grow more as a Christian and another was to focus on my marriage and not the wedding and highlighting and studying these points definitely helped me grown in both areas.

First let’s head back to the statement “grace and mercy they have for each other”. The bible tells wives to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Jesus and for the husband to love his wife as Jesus loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-25). The ultimate example of God’s grace and mercy towards us was definitely sending his son to die on the cross for us. Now that is love. And that type of love is shown throughout the bible over and over again. I don’t know about you but I’m often reminded that love has limits via social media and it’s great to be reminded that it actually doesn’t and that someone could love me that much here on earth. That is powerful when you think about it. But the bible doesn’t stop there, it covers all aspects of loving your mate. Have you read song of Solomon lately…

As we grow as a couple, I try to keep loving my spouse at the front of my mind. I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s easy. I constantly fail at truly loving Caleb daily but I will continue to strive to love him and display #BlackLove and #GodLove as we conclude Black History Month.

Edited July 1, 2016

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Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

 

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I am not here to tell you exactly what to get your significant other for Valentine’s Day. If I were to do that, I would essentially just tell you what I want and honestly, I don’t think they would appreciate getting a bouquet of a dozen heart shaped glazed doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and a teddy bear unless they would and if that’s the case, please inform them that they are my new best friend in the whole wide world!!!!!!!

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Waffle House or Nah

Posted by Dawn

It happens every Valentine’s Day. We laugh, we meme, and we publicly declare just how mad we’d be if our Valentine even considered taking us to … (insert fast food restaurant here). Come on, I know you’ve seen them. The best one I’ve ever seen was one for a McDonalds. Imagine staring into someone’s eyes over candlelight while Ronald Mcdonald walks out your gourmet cheeseburger. The restaurant options really just depends on what city you live in and what major fast food chain decides that this, is their year to pull in all that cold hard cash that we pour out to impress our significant others during this celebration of love.

Imagine my surprise that my response to a friend jokingly sharing her conversation with her significant other about 12 Alabama Waffle House’s taking reservations for Valentine’s Day would be … “I’m not mad at that at all. Matter of fact, I think I’ll do just that.” I didn’t even chuckle, not once, well I did chuckle at their texts which can be found below.

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Today I’m going to tell you the 3 reasons why I’m not mad at a Valentine’s Date at Waffle House.

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Why You Should Take His Ass to Red Lobster

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It is the Saturday before the Super Bowl. I’m on the couch recovering from my trip to Wegmans to buy every cheese in existence for this dip I’m making for the big game. That’s when I get a
text from PJ saying “Beyoncé dropped a new video” with the accompanying link. If you know me, you know I am a bit of a Beyoncé fan. This immediately sent me into BeyStan mode and the rest of my day consisted of obsessing over the entire 4 minutes and 53 seconds of this video. The song and video were, to me, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! As always, Bey’s provides the ladies plenty of Instagram photo caption worthy lines with this new song. However, one line stood out.

“When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster”

Ummmm….WHAT?! Yes, Beyoncé said when HOV throws down in the boudoir she treats him to endless shrimp and cheddar bay biscuits. Of course social media went crazy over this reference. There were memes, videos, and a high demand for Red Lobster’s social media team to capitalize on this blessing bestowed on them by Queen Bey. But seriously…Red Lobster? I can’t remember the last time I willingly set foot in a Red Lobster. I’m not really a seafood fan to begin with but if I am going to eat seafood, I’m not going to Red Lobster. I mean yeah the biscuits are bomb and the raspberry lemonade is great but it’s still not my favorite restaurant.

I’m not alone in thinking this. In recent years Red Lobster has seen a decline in popularity. It used to be “fancy” and a treat when I was growing up. Now if someone says that it’s their favorite restaurant, you can’t help judge them. Then Beyonce happened, and the saying is “As Beyonce goes, so goes the nation.” Valentine’s Day is a week away and people are actually considering taking their significant others to RED LOBSTER! I posed the question to PJ as a joke and he actually said he was down before realizing I wasn’t serious.

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HOWEVER if you are considering Red Lobster as a potential Valentine’s Day date they do offer a 4-Course Feast for $16.99. It is also time for Lobster Fest so I see no L’s here. Be sure to check your local Red Lobster’s menus before making a reservation.

So what do ya’ll think? Will Red Lobster see more people in their restaurants due to the Beyoncé effect? Only time will tell, but fellas, remember you have to earn those biscuits!

 

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