What I’m Learning About Submission in My Marriage

Submission & Marriage

With marriage comes new family dynamics, personalities, and spoken and unspoken rules. You gain all new emotional baggage while also trying to create your own new family & dynamic with your spouse. When you take your vows, you made a pledge to become one with your mate.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

It can be emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining at times. It’s almost like moving in together but instead of a house or apartment, you have to share and brain and a heart which when you think about it isn’t that big. You don’t just instantly become one when you say I do, you have to work really hard every day at it. Think about every fight you’ve had from trivial to blow out. It’s ultimately because you didn’t agree with each other and ultimately you have to come together to compromise or change your stance in an essence becoming one with your spouse.

I have a Facebook friend who has been married for 3 years and I love the way she references her marriage. She calls it her “first ministry”. When I first read this, it resonated so deeply with me. Not just because I thought it was the cutest thing ever because in truth marriage is really a ministry. Marriage is a place where you learn to not only serve and aid in the care for each other but for those around you. This includes family, friends, and the countless people you encounter through work and other avenues. When you get married, your public presence multiplies rapidly and you are to serve and care for them as well. Caleb and I unintentionally set-up our actual wedding ceremony as a place to minister about marriage to our family and friends as well as remind us about our commitment to God and each other.

Even though we combed through the bible together searching for verses to share during our ceremony that we use as the foundation for our marriage, there are sections of those verses that we fall short on daily. There is one area in particular that I have a really hard time committing to, submission.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

I am a very independent person and it’s so hard for me to grasp the idea of submission to Caleb in our marriage. I know that I am not the only wife or even female who hears the word submission and instantly wants to say “First off…” then deliver the world’s greatest feminist thesis since Lemonade.

But I hold my tongue because I know ultimately that when Caleb takes the lead on an issue, he’s not trying to rule over me or be a he man woman hater. People also conveniently leave out the fact the bible also says that the husband should submit to his wife as well but right now I’m dealing with me and not husbands, including my husband. My main stumbling blocks when it comes to submission is my stubbornness and need to be right.

Photo via ModernMaundy https://www.etsy.com/listing/151775356/mr-right-and-mrs-always-right-lips-and
Photo via ModernMaundy https://www.etsy.com/listing/151775356/mr-right-and-mrs-always-right-lips-and

Bad habits are hard to break and both of these will be extremely hard especially the later since I’m often right. Notice that I didn’t say always. I’m growing y’all. The first step in my growth has been studying the bible and watching sermons to get on the same page as Caleb on submission. While watching one particular video it hit me that my relationship with my husband and submission mirrored my relationship with God and submission. During our first year of dating, Caleb’s mom invited me to their family Passover celebration and my prayer request that day was that God would work with me on total submission to him. At the time, I never considered that he could and would ultimately use my husband to teach me this lesson.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is saviour of the body. Ephesians 5:23

I’m sure that I will fall short a few more times before I master the art of submission but I know those moments will truly be priceless and so will the times when I get it right.

Share your thoughts on submission with us. 


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  1. Great post! It is hard to submit, especially when you know you are right. The movie War Room put it nicely saying, sometimes submiting is ducking so God can hit your husband.

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